He said -She said

She said - I had a dream about you

He said-What did you see?

She said- We were having a good laugh

For a change

Clearly that is my wildest fantasy

The lost art of conversations

The love of my life likes to have conversations. A lot of conversations . But only long and deeply profound conversations about ones life ,dreams, directions ,state of mind and the likes. He has no time to spare for the -'honey what do you think of so-and-so's new boyfriend ' kind of conversations. Start those and you will be met with a grunt and a bored-'Really lesser mortal ?' stare. Not to say he doesn't indulge in those from time to time but mostly he is just deep.

This tendency of wanting to have conversations transcends across all kinds of company and social occasions. Be it in the midst of a crazy night out at one of the most sought after night clubs in the city , or in a party of 30 people, or those evenings when you meet friends of friends who you won't remember when you are sober. I must admit his ability to talk to absolutely anyone about absolutely anything meaningful often gets me out of the trouble of having to do so other than ofcourse giving me that warm fuzzy pride of being with someone intelligent( they are so rare these days). But there have been times when I have wished he would just chill, smile, get high, make small talk, laugh at silly jokes and just enjoy the moment. 

It was only recently when I was catching a rerun of Sex and the City season 1, that a particular episode hit me like a ton of bricks. Yes it is a show about four women in the city of New York and ok fine it's also about fashion-it is nothing deep but I love it. I love Carrie's observations and I love her views. However this realization came to me not because of the protagonist of the show but because of its format. I realized that her friends and her actually Talk when they meet ! They know every little thing about each other's lives, every screw up, every triumph, every little secret. Through various conversations over breakfast, lunch dinner or drinks the show was about how these four friends actually help each other survive the city and stay sane.

And then it hit me. I realized that I really missed having one on one conversations with people close to me. Yes I am lucky to have wonderful friends. But barring bullet points how much do I really know about them and how much do they really know about me? Can we share our everyday wins and losses, tantrums and tears with each other if we want to? The biggest fear was not if I could share, but whether I would be heard. 

The fear needed to be overcome. The plunge needed to be taken. And so I decided to open up more individually to my friends. I have not bottled up emotions, I have cribbed, I have cried, I have laughed and shared hushed secrets. And the reciprocation I have received has been more than mutual. Some lovely conversations, some much unknown anecdotes and a lot of warm fuzzy I feel loved moments later I realized that everyone inherently craves having someone to talk to, to open up to once in a while. It is nice when we ask someone -what's up and actually listen to what is up in that persons life. It is nice when we take five minutes and follow up on a sick friend and ask them how they are. It brings people together and gives them a sense of belonging and a sense of being home with family. 

A blank mind or a state of bliss

I recently happened to catch the Mel Gibson movie called 'What women want' on television again after many years. For whose who haven't seen this one, it is about a chauvinistic creative director in an advertising agency whose life changes after he magically develops the power to actually be able to hear what women around him were thinking. I quite liked the movie for a number of reasons. Firstly it was heartening to see and relate to a movie about advertising - my new career.( I have never really managed to seriously follow Mad Men). And secondly how among other avoidable cliches, the movie actually demonstrates how women were constantly thinking about something or the other- constantly worrying, brooding,second guessing with a blank mind being a rarity. 

Why do women think so much? Or is the correct phrase overthink? A victim of overthinking myself I think this trait does way more harm than good to our species. It is a trait that makes you take an otherwise innocent situation or a harmless thing said or done by someone and extrapolate and autopsy the fuck out of it till you have succeeded in building mountains of paranoia in your head. This could be about anything-why a colleague ignored you at work, why a junior didn't follow your instructions, why a friend did not show enough concern about a problem of yours, why the love of your life didn't call you exactly when you were hoping, why your maid  rebelled and refused to clean the second shelf. I think the biggest problem we women have is that we get into the 'Why' of things way too much instead of the dealing with a situation for what it is. This is not to say that there are not grave issues that deserve our thought and attention, but from experience, on most days overthinking is what we indulge in as a habit.

However I have realized that it is possible to get away from overthinking once in a while , and it often happens involuntarily. But when it happens ,it indeed is a wonderfully calming feeling. This phase is called having a blank mind.

I have realized that having a blank mind is a sign that I am at peace with myself. What is a blank mind? Well it is when you are solely focused on the task at hand with no other thoughts creeping into your mind-be it showering, cooking, working out, ironing anything. Suddenly you will realize 'Wow, I am actually doing just this and not thinking about anything else!' - and that is an indication that you don't have anything to brood or worry about at present and that is the best state of mind to be in. As an overthinker, these particular phases of having a blank mind give me a lot of peace and and give me a zen like state of being.

Is it possible to be in this state always? Maybe not. Maybe we are not genetically built to be that way as perhaps it is our job as women to constantly think about and provide for people around us (#ageoldbullshit). But once in a while when you are indulging in the most mundane of activities ,you will find yourself with a blank mind - and that according to me means that life is on track, times are good, you are happy with the way things are. My advice from experience would be to cherish that state of mind, and prolong it for as long as you can.

And maybe once you really start enjoying being in that state of mind, you will feel less of a need to get into the vicious cycle of overthinking.

Happiness is not knowing about tomorrow

The road was dusty

The bricks were loose

The travel a pain

And the smell old news

Yet she trudged along

Trying to make a living

In a harsh city

That was not forgiving 

For laziness and defeat 

There was no place

It was city of dreams

A city that never slept

The work was mundane 

Everyday the same

It made day dreaming easy

And a much needed escape

She would sing and soar

No one to hold her back

No one to rush her

Or refuse to cut her any slack

Everyday and every night the same

A never ending routine 

That refused to change

As life craved more dreams than what's real

She felt suffocated she felt fear

Death by sameness and the cult of normalcy

Threatened to wipe out her inherent personality

And so one day she woke up

With an air of surety 

It's time to take the plunge 

Time to make dreams a reality

A resignation letter and a trip to the bank

A couple of phone calls 

Many on the other side called it a prank

'To Paris first I will go- and breathe in the air

Don't miss me much

Know that I am happier there

In my dreams I have seen the cobbled streets 

They call out to me ,they say let us meet'

And so she flew 

Armed with everything she ever had

On a long flight to Paris

Next to a three year old and his dad

As the 9 hours passed, they became fast friends 

Made promises to meet 

Somewhere along the cobbled streets

It was 9 am, she stepped out into the city of her dreams 

Life was looking good, a strange excitement in the air

It was the thrill of not knowing what tomorrow will bring

And a sense of bliss that she didn't really care

Normal is relative

What is normal? Who defines it? Is it simply what majority of the people we know and therefore society abides by? Or should normal be different from person to person? And why is the ' not normal 'always supposed to bad? I think normal is what the herd thinks and does.and that is what makes normal safe and boring

Is being selfish normal?

Is not wanting to have kids normal?

Is fantasizing about another person despite being committed normal?

Is getting drunk out of ones wits everyday normal?

Is lying normal?

Is wanting to run away alone and leave everyone behind normal?

Is never wanting to work normal?

Is feeling completely out of love with the better half on some days normal?

There would be very few people today who are 'lucky ' to not have any of the above 'abnormalities.' For the rest of us, everyday is a balancing act between what we really want to think feel and do and what we actually end up settling for. This is apparently called growing up-which in essence means kill your soul and compromise compromise compromise to the point you feel like you are tied to chains and gagged in a small dark room with no escape in sight.

We all sin. We all have dark thoughts. Some of us express it ,some internalize. But will there ever be a day when we can express what we actually feel and do what we actually want without the fear of being judged or worse ostracized? Not anytime soon. The best way to deal with it is to find other people who  share hence understand your abnormalities so you end up feeling normal again.

“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.”-Mortacia Addams